Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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