Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
