I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Girls should come with a carfax report
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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