It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
