Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
