I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
