You made me cry and you don't even care
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
