i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
