I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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