I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
