i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
