I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
