I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I would ride that face into the sunset
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
