I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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