Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
We're too hungover to prance.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
