i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Randomize
