Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
