She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
