I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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