out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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