last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
