I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
