ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
