And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
