Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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