perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
