It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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