now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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