I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
