Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
