I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
