Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Randomize
