take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
