OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
