Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
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