drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
