Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
