Swine flu. Run for my life!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
