my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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