ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
