When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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