My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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