You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
