I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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