Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
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