I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Pants are for mortals
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
