upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
