This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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