there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
