I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
