the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
