I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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