I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
