The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
