We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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