...so i touched it.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
